It was my birthday this week and I turned 32. Today is Solomon's birthday, he is 2. On Tuesday will be Ammon's birthday. He will turn 1. It's funny that half of our family celebrates a birthday within the same week.
I enjoyed my birthday but had to laugh at the gifts I received from my husband and sisters. Two pounds of Sees chocolates, chocolate cookies, cinnamon rolls, bread, chocolate candy bars, brownies, and chocolate ice cream. I'm not joking either. This would be a good year for me to finally learn self control and moderation in my eating habits. I'll let you know how that goes. But considering I ate a brownie for breakfast, I am not off to a great start. Heaven bless my metabolism for at least one more year!!!
Besides indulging in chocolate this week I have had serious and deep thoughts about getting older. I would write them here but honestly I don't have the time and you probably wouldn't want to read them anyway. What I will say is this;
At 32 I am amazed to discover that I am still wrestling with my identity. Where once I was single and had music, school, work, and friends to define me, as a mother of four I now struggle to let love, kindness, patience, and temperance be the things that describe who I am. Experience in success and defeat has created changes within me and though those changes may not be outwardly apparent, I feel them very deeply. At times I am surprised by my own wisdom and clarity, and then other times the child within me will not let go. When will I know who I am? At what age will I finally feel I've stopped becoming and that I just am?
One thing I do know for sure is that my cup runneth over. I am blessed beyond my capacity for gratitude and definitely beyond my deserving it. And despite the chaos in my life as a 32 year old mother of four, I can feel the subtle urgings from heaven encouraging me to keep going, whispering to me that I am known, reminding me that I am loved.
It's going to be a great year.
