It was my birthday this week and I turned 32. Today is Solomon's birthday, he is 2. On Tuesday will be Ammon's birthday. He will turn 1. It's funny that half of our family celebrates a birthday within the same week.
I enjoyed my birthday but had to laugh at the gifts I received from my husband and sisters. Two pounds of Sees chocolates, chocolate cookies, cinnamon rolls, bread, chocolate candy bars, brownies, and chocolate ice cream. I'm not joking either. This would be a good year for me to finally learn self control and moderation in my eating habits. I'll let you know how that goes. But considering I ate a brownie for breakfast, I am not off to a great start. Heaven bless my metabolism for at least one more year!!!
Besides indulging in chocolate this week I have had serious and deep thoughts about getting older. I would write them here but honestly I don't have the time and you probably wouldn't want to read them anyway. What I will say is this;
At 32 I am amazed to discover that I am still wrestling with my identity. Where once I was single and had music, school, work, and friends to define me, as a mother of four I now struggle to let love, kindness, patience, and temperance be the things that describe who I am. Experience in success and defeat has created changes within me and though those changes may not be outwardly apparent, I feel them very deeply. At times I am surprised by my own wisdom and clarity, and then other times the child within me will not let go. When will I know who I am? At what age will I finally feel I've stopped becoming and that I just am?
One thing I do know for sure is that my cup runneth over. I am blessed beyond my capacity for gratitude and definitely beyond my deserving it. And despite the chaos in my life as a 32 year old mother of four, I can feel the subtle urgings from heaven encouraging me to keep going, whispering to me that I am known, reminding me that I am loved.
It's going to be a great year.
5 comments:
Hey Shannie, I'm hoping that I can send you messages on your blog. Its frustrating that I can't respond to you email messages, but for some reason it still doesn't work. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you I enjoyed reading your bday comments, and don't worry we all still feel that way at times. Just remember you are always a child of God and He loves you. And so does your family!
I love you lots! Darlyn
Maybe that is why one of the names of the Savior is the great I Am. Maybe we are always feeling like we are becoming because we are always striving to become perfect. Isn't that what motherhood (and fatherhood) is all about? Now I have to go and try to put my kids to bed without screaming at them because I stuck them in a car for four hours and fed them cookies. Wish me luck. Love ya and your post!
Happy Birthday Shannan! Your insights are, as always, very thought-provoking. Great comments so far, too. I agree whole-heartedly.
I wish we lived closer so we could have more time to relate - I feel like in some ways we are living parallel lives but the distance is barring us from getting a good laugh out of each other and the craziness that is our lives.
So next time you're sticking your nose in someone's bottom, or scrubbing the pen marks off of the couch, or making macaroni and cheese for the umpteenth time that week, just laugh and know that I'm probably laughing too. You're great!
Shannan,
I am flattered. I actually made my wedding dress... I know. Nuts right? It took me a good month to do. I don't know if I recommend doing that. It was crazy.
Your little family is adorable. What amazing kids you have. They are so sweet. I can tell you are a Hansen. You look so much like Andrew!
I enjoyed the compliment. It made my day. Thanks for stopping by!
Beautiful post. I can really relate to your sentiments. Thanks so much for posting.
Post a Comment