Saturday, September 11, 2010

Hopeful but nervous

Ray goes into the hospital on Monday for tests to see how his cancer responded to the chemo. A few weeks ago I was fine...hopeful. But each week as the day has drawn closer, the hope is still there, but I've gotten more and more nervous. And tonight I have full fledged dread and fear.

Now that I know what a round of chemo is like, now that I've seen my son tethered to an IV pole for months, now that I've watched him puke, cry, writhe, bleed...now that I know what to expect I just can't possibly accept that I may have to do it all over again. If he still has cancer anywhere he will do another round of chemo. Does God really think I can handle this? That Ray can? Our family?

I I have met other families who have been doing this for years. But lymphoma has a high cure rate and is very responsive to chemo in 90% of the cases. I am holding onto that high percentage. I am hoping we are there. Praying.

I am trying to be positive but I still have a huge knot in my stomach. Wouldn't you?

10 comments:

Karen Caldwell said...

Oh Shannan, I'll be thinking and praying for you all weekend and Monday especially. Good luck! We love you.

Natalie said...

Oh man, I'd be a nervous wreck. I pray everything goes well and you get fabulous news. My nephew also had lymphoma and was cured. I pray for the same outcome for Ray.

Tracey said...

ALWAYS IN MY PRAYERS!!!!!!!!! You are one strong woman and that is one strong boy!

Mick Kirsten Thomas said...

Praying for all of you!

Nathan & Michelle Watabe said...

Yes, I'd definitely be nervous too. You'll all be in my prayers.

PLANET HANSEN said...

Thoughts and prayers for you, Ray, Joe and the kids. We love you guys.

Taylor Oldroyd said...

The Oldroyd's have you in our prayers.

Sarah said...

Sending lots of prayers and faith your way. We love you!

Kris said...

Shannan,
Thanks for the nice comment on my blog and I can see you and your little boy are going through a lot! I will be thinking of you - I am a former bone marrow transplant nurse and have taken care of many patients with lymphoma. Hang in there and take care of yourself. I will check in on your blog to see how your boy is doing. hugs.

Susan said...

Hope everything goes well today! We love you!