Less drama but one big trauma

After 2 1/2 great weeks at home, Ray is back up for chemo. While he's home the nurse comes to our house twice a week to draw blood and check his vitals. This used to take a long time because he would cry and be upset (as all children are around needles) but now there is a lot less drama, and he has been so brave and good. The nurse was in and out with the blood and Ray was calm and patient. He is growing up in many ways and although it is painful to watch, I am also proud of him.

There are so many things he endures with chemo. Within one hour of getting his first dose on Friday, he was already puking, sweating, and had shaking legs. One of the worst parts is that they make him go to the bathroom every hour to get rid of the chemo. So while he's in the hospital he has to get up out of bed EVERY HOUR all through the day and night to go pee. And when it comes out...it's toxic so the nurses are all dressed in protective gear and if even one drop gets on his clothes, body, or bed we have to strip it all down, scrub it, and start over. It's exhausting. But it's curing him right?!!!

I really enjoy spending one on one time with Ray. I wish I was able to be alone with all my kids like that all the time. I mean, how often do you get to spend hours alone with one child?? Never. I am enjoying that and it makes me resolved to want to spend more quality time with my other children.
The one big trauma of the week...

...Ammon got bit by a dog.

On the mouth, the eye, and the cheek. He got 32 stitches in his lips. He was right there in front of me when it happened and it was so traumatic I don't want to talk the details.

I called my neighbor who is a plastic surgeon and he met us at the ER and did a fantastic job. But watching my baby get attacked, bleed, and then suffer through stitches is a memory I wish I could erase. When I close my eyes all I see is that stupid dog and Ammon's bloody face, and I am crushed by my own stupidity and powerlessness to stop it and protect him.

They tell me he'll be fine, only minimal scarring on his lips. But I am scarred for life. I can't see any more of my children suffer. It's just too much. But it was a needed wake up call to remind me that these little kids are so fragile and I can't be so casual about watching them.

I'm sorry baby.