Thank you Team Kitchy for Running for Ray today at the Ragnar Relay! Thank you for bringing awareness to Ray's cancer. You really inspired us and we are grateful for you!
Ray is back in the hospital this week with fever and infections. He has sores in his mouth, he is weak, he is dizzy, he can't eat, he has no immune system, he is hot, his hair just fell out so now he is bald, his is sad, he is scared, he is mad, he is exhausted.
It is very hard.
And yet...Ray is okay. He laughs and is silly and finds ways to have fun. There are kids on the cancer floor that have it way worse. I shudder each time I am in the parent kitchen and hear things happening with other kids. It is devasting to be in this situation and yet I am grateful that for now...we are okay and it could be a lot worse.
I have some great head shaving pictures that I will post soon, but tonight I have something to say. I go through spurts of anger, confusion, grief, courage, and enlightenment. I'm sorry if you've ever caught me on an angry day. I am not nice. But tonight I am feeling thankful.
I am grateful for my Joe. Happy Father's Day!
I am grateful for my friends from high school who I missed at a reunion.
I am grateful for my friends from Provo who are texting me like crazy.
I am grateful for nurses who run the world and do it with smiles and wisdom.
I am grateful for my neighbors for the food, babysitting, cleaning, bake sale, tears, yard work, hugs, and support.
I am grateful for Joe's family for their babysitting, quilts, presents, prayers, and emails.
I am grateful for my family for babysitting, driving, food, cleaning, hugs, tears, emails, and prayers, and texts.
I am grateful for my sisters...(speaking of amazing mothers!)
I am grateful for my cyber friends in the adoption community who have rallied in prayers and kind comments.
I am grateful for Megan who has been there done that.
I am grateful for Paula who is always the first responder.
I am grateful for my three little babies who smilingly go with whoever the babysitter is for the day and give me big hugs when they see me again.
I am grateful for my husband who is taking care of EVERYTHING else.
I am grateful for PEOPLE magazine and US magazine for their stupid stories of petty lives that have kept me occupied in the hospital.
I am grateful for Somer who ran the Wasatch Mountains for Ray and got 700 people to look at his gorgeous face on a blog.
I am grateful for Sabryna and Josh who shaved their heads first....and for Semisi, Elijah, Belle, Ben, Mike, and Stewart who were all next.
I am grateful for the Savior Jesus Christ and his silent suffering that turned to triump for all mankind that is inspiring me and sustaining me in my darkest moments.
I am grateful for Ray.
He is incredibly brave and you would cry your eyes out if I told you all the horrible things he has been through and the things I have seen him do. And yet he does it and amazingly he still smiles and paints little crafts for his brothers and sister, and is polite and is having fun playing X-box at the hospital. He is a beautiful brave little boy.
And I love him.
15 comments:
YOU ARE SO STRONG AND I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU TWO!
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO JOE!
YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS!
KEEP SMILING RAY...WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU!
Shannan, I have no words, just my respect and concern. My heart goes out to you in all this.
What a wonderful perspective - you are amazing, you know that?
You do have a wonderful perspective and there are lots of us (that you probably forgot all about until last week) who are praying for you and your family. You were an amazing example to all of us then and you still are now. WOW! You're kids are lucky to have such a wonderful Mom.
Wow Shannan, I'm speechless and crying...Beautifuly written. You know you have every right to be angry and every single person will understand if you are. Happy Father's Day Joe, you are one amazing daddy to those adorable kids of yours.
Dear Shannan- I stumbled onto your blog a while ago and I read from time to time. I was very saddened by your announcement of Ray's sickness but please know that I pray for him everyday and I truly believe in my heart that he will bounce back from this illness sooner than you know it. God bless you and your family ;)
Sincerely,
A Ghanaian girl who likes to read your blog.
Shannan, you are amazing. I am totally crying right now and can't imagine going through what you are. Please let me know if I can do anything to help. I can totally help with babysitting, dinners, anything you need. I can even come pick up kids and bring them here for a day if you want. Please call me if i can do ANYTHING: 801-699-0085.
Thanks for sharing your experience with us all! It was an honor to run and think about your little Ray. I've never met him...but I have kids too and can only imagine what you are going through! It sounds like you have found strength you didn't know you had. You are an inspiration to me!
Holly
I am so sorry to hear that he (and you) have to suffer through this trial. I wish there was more I could do. He is in our prayers constantly and please know that we will do ANYTHING you ever need!
I admire your strength and faith so much. You truly are an amazing mother. You and your family are always in my prayers. I love you and I love Ray! What an amazing little boy. He must have a very special part to fill in the Lord's plan.
Shannon, this was a powerful post. iI was on Somer's team and it was fun running for Ray and recording a video for him. There is a very cute picture on my blog of Joe and the kids from Ragnar yesterday. http://lazybonesrunning.blogspot.com/2010/06/wasatch-ragnar-relay.html
Loved hearing your blessings. You are amazing to find the good in hard times. Always remember, God is good and is mindful of you. We pray for little Ray every day and hope he is home again soon.
I always want to leave a comment, but feel I have nothing to say. It's just too heartbreaking, and I'm not very eloquent. We pray for Ray and for your family. I think of you often and wonder what I can do for you. Please let me know if there is anything!
We are always praying for Ray and your family in our home. Shannan and Ray and Joe and little brothers and sister, keep up the fight. You can all get through this! I know everybody else says this, but if there is anything we can do, let us know!
Lisa Lara
You are allowed ALL of your feelings, and I think people here would understand if you posted about them. Your gratitude for what you *do* have is inspiring.
Huge *hugs* to you and to Ray. Prayers also.
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