An anonymous reader posted a comment on my last post about motherhood. All it said was "You made your choice."
It made me feel really awesome. As if I wasn't already down enough about being a loser mom. The comment didn't offend me but I think those words are exactly the kind of thing that makes motherhood even more of a challenge.
Here's why.....the comment of course is right. I DID make the choice to become a mother. And even better in my case I got to handpick three of my children. And I love them and they are amazing children. But no one can ever be adequately prepared for how busy and hard it can be to be a mom. I did make a choice and I am grateful for my choice, but guess what, it IS hard sometimes.
And doesn't a man ever come home from work after a bad day and complain about his job? And do we wives say, "Well...too bad...you made your choice!!" Usually no we don't!:) But maybe somebody does say it to her husband and then adds, "If it's so hard, then why don't you quit?" That's right, you can quit a job but you can't quit motherhood.
And who really even WANTS to quit? Not me! Not any other mother I know. We love being mothers but can't we express it if we have a bad day? Is it really fair to judge and condemn a mom for "complaining" about how hard it is? "You made the choice to become a mother so shut your mouth and deal with it!!!!" Yah...and they wonder why we get depressed!!!
Anyway, as I've been thinking more about it I think that although the comment is true it was still a lousy thing to say to a lonely mom with four babies. I appreciated the support I got from the other comments though! Thanks girls! Hmmm....Which makes me think another thing....the anonymous poster probably isn't a mother....or they would have understood where I was coming from. And that's too bad for them.
Mean Dream
8 years ago
9 comments:
all I can say is you are amazing for making the choice you did and you have beautiful children. And like your last comment said about that person not being a mom is so true. ANY mom, no matter the # of children, has bad days as a mom and it is hard. Anyone who says it isn't hard is lieing in my opinion.
It was simply an insignificant knat (see my comment under your previous post). And you're right that they couldn't be a mother... and even so, that person is a huge hypocrite. Because unless he/she is perfect, a lot of complaining has been done on his/her part. Besides, you weren't even complaining. As mothers, we're here to support each other when one of us is feeling down. It's the hardest job in the world and you're a hero for being brave enough to choose it... and even more so because you know how to make a beautiful world for your children.
Shannan, you are an amazing mother, woman, sister-in-law, and friend. I loved your last post. I don't think it was complaining at all. I admire you so much for expressing yourself like that. Although I'm not a mother yet, I have seen my own mother deal with difficulties (namely, me in high school) and I've seen my sisters become mothers. There is nothing more beautiful than making that choice and making a home for your children. Thank you for being an inspiration to me.
Well said Shannan! It's funny... I have always looked up to you as one of the best mother's I know.... Keep it up! And thanks!!!! : )
WOW! I am Kyle's sister and I love to read your blog. You are so good at expressing the true colors of being a mother. It is so true, we made the choice and it is so full of ups and downs just like life WITHOUT kids. Whoever made the comment is a coward in my opinion at least stand behind your name and don't comment annonymous.
Wow. I am shocked that someone would even say that. I agree with this entire post. Well said!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow Shannan. That comment would have made me so mad! I totally agree with your logic about being able to quit a job, etc. Who doesn't need to vent about how to deal with anything hard in their life?! Even the Pres of the US could vent about the difficulties of his job, and he chose his job too!
The irony of that comment, "you made your choice," is that you guys REALLY not only made a conscious choice to expand your family, you paid an unusually big price to get it. Which is one of the reasons your family is so beautiful!
Furthermore, I appreciate hearing how a strong woman like yourself feels about the difficulties of motherhood- 'cause I'd think you were some crazy superwoman and then feel like a lousy mom myself. And moms are already soo hard on themselves! :)
Shannan,
I havent been on here for awhile, but today was wondering how you guys are doing. Your family is so beautifull and I have loved catching up. I cant say how surprised I was to see that comment myself... the thing is I know that is what people are thinking whenever I am in the public eye- even in mormonville... it creates this HUGE amount of unrealistic pressure to have perfectly dressed,mannered, and behaved kids so I dont feel responsible for being someone elses birth control. Honestly people!!! Motherhood is rewarding BECAUSE it is so hard. Anything worth doing is hard. And while yes, we made our choice, I am confident that it was the right one and in that, I have a pretty good team. I am sure the comment was made by someone who is either anti-family, annoyed at your family fortune, or jealous of your awesome situation and unable to have it for themselves. Which causes me to have sympathy for them. I truly do think ( even with all the poop and just plain annoying EVERYDAY things) that not being here would be the harder road.
I just have to remind myself whenever I am tempted to judge, that that person, just like me, is doing the BEST they can.
Go private. ..it's creepy when people comment on your blog... seriously! I don't get why people want their blogs open-- but then again, I don't even blog yet, so maybe I'm just clueless.
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